Here's a sample of the kinds of lectures held at my old university:
Scrotal/testicular thermoregulation in farm animals
Whilst that already sounds interesting, you can double your fun if you assume the term "Thermoregulation" is something dirty, and if you replace the words "farm animals" with the words "Horny Japanese Businessmen."
Actually, I suspect that works for pretty much everything.
Posted by gavin on Monday January 30, 2006Negative Ads
We're getting close to election day here in Canada, and this year, the negative ads are getting especially nasty. Whilst these ads aren't filled with lies, they sure manage to make to voting public uncomfortable.
So in the spirit of the times, here's a fun game: Match the terrible, outright lie to the politician it belongs under:
1) Once attacked and bit the head off a badger.
2) Once defecated on a slow moving turtle.
3) Regularly drives without pants.
4) Is a decent guy.
Posted by gavin on Thursday January 19, 2006Lasers!
Here's the thing about those pen lasers you can buy from the store: they're a big disappointment. Well, except to cats, who seem to love them. However, given all the promises that cartoons, tv and movies have made regarding the power of lasers, the reality is, my pen laser's greatest destructive feat is that it might possibly hurt just a little if I were to drop it on my toe (but even then probably not.)
BUT, that's until this little fellow showed up on the scene. It can ignite a match and cut through black electrical tape. Sure, maybe not the kind of thing we'll be strapping to the front of out spaceships just yet, but after watching the video's of these things in action, who here wouldn't wonder what it would be like to use one of these super-lasers to play target practice with a few house flies?
Posted by gavin on Saturday January 7, 2006Rocketpack
It turns out that that Rocketpack, the writing site I edit, is now 6 years old, and so to celebrate I did a bit of a design overhaul. Now it's easier to navigate and easier on the eyes, although tragically, this means the tragic loss of "angry Rocketpack guy"; verily we will miss thee, rocketpack guy. Of course, the good news for me is that we put in a basic content management system, so the site is so much easier to update now. And, being as I am a writer, anything that supports my laziness makes me happy.
Posted by gavin on Thursday January 5, 2006Eyes on the road, Kitty
Mr. Meow's short attention span was just one of many reasons he was a poor driver
Posted by gavin on Tuesday December 13, 2005So long, office novelty
Well it would seem the novelty of working in an office is starting to wear off. I thought it would be the tedious, soul crushing monkey-work that finally got me down, but in fact, it's the people. Everyone seems so defeated; they wander around the floors with a dazed, zombie-like expression... until they get to their desks, where they start hoarding their stationary as if it were the key to lifelong happiness (as opposed to merely the stapler they took from the supply closet and never returned.)
Of course, this is the best paying job I've ever had, so when it comes time to fill out the weekly timesheets for my paycheck, it suddenly doesn't feel so terrible.
(And then, to celebrate my new wealth, I go home and eat my money, slowly, note by note, by candle light whilst looking in the mirror and weeping joyfully.)
Posted by gavin on Monday December 12, 2005Clearly an office romance
There's a pretty girl on the floor I work on who has a tongue ring. We rode up in the elevator at the same time this morning and said hello to each other. I think we're dating now.
Posted by gavin on Monday December 12, 2005Uh oh
Guess who suddenly has access to a digital camera
if you said a man that just ate noodles for dinner you'd be correct.
Posted by gavin on Sunday December 11, 2005Office Story #1
I started office temp work for some corporations downtown recently. I haven't been doing it for very long, so some things are new to me. There are two things I've noticed:
#1: offices collect some odd characters.
#2: No matter what time of day it is.. everytime I go into the washroom, there's someone in there taking a dump.
I mentioned these observations to Tom, a coworker friend who's been doing this kind of temp work for several years now. He told me a story:
One time, Tom was in an office washroom, sitting in a stall having his daily company-funded bowel movement, when he heard someone else enter the toilets. Since this newcomer was using the urinal, Tom "paused his proceedings" out of politeness. But then he heard the sound of grunting and heavy breathing. Horrified by what image he might see should he leave the cubicle, he stayed put until the stranger left. Eventually, the stranger did indeed leave, and upon exiting the stall, Tom went to wash his hands... where he noticed what had been the cause of the grunting and deep breathing: laying there, in the middle of the basin of one of the urinals, was a large turd.
Posted by gavin on Tuesday December 6, 2005
Let's talk Scrotal Thermoregulation