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The Web Stress
(Or, I'm loosing it)


The internet is taking too much out of all of us. The urge to find new and more bizarre websites.. the shame you feel when you go online to check cnn.com, but somehow end up at www.boobies.com.. the feelings of panic at the emails mounting up in your inbox that you just haven't felt like answering for a week now, and even if you did, you wouldn't know what to say because you've run out of things to talk about, or worse yet, checking your email and finding no messages there at all. The stress is about to tear us all apart.

I'm not alone here. The web stress is pulling apart most of the internet community. The following graph details the rise of stress on the internet:

Shocking. The question now becomes: who can we blame for this stress? One popular target would be Microsoft, because Microsoft is a monopoly, and those are the source of all evil (at least the board game was evil). But blaming Microsoft is so passť. Who else could we fault for this extra stress? The government? Hollywood? Jesus? While all those people may be guilty of one thing or another, the fact is the people who make the internet so stressful are your friends. 

Who is it that sends you those dirty pictures by email, forcing you to send back even dirtier pictures? Who gets upset because you don't go and chat on IRC or ICQ when you said you would? Who sends you those chain-emails that tell you all your family will die unless you send the letter on to three hundred other people?

Friends.

Friends are nothing but a drain on you. Look in the mirror, do you see those wrinkles? They're all caused by your friends.

Any gray hairs? Guess who gave them to you. That's right, friends.

You know that TV show? The one about all those friends? It sucks, doesn't it? Guess why.

So how do you solve this problem? You can't. (Unless you kill yourself, and you should be saving that for something special.) 

There is one simple way to protect yourself, however: get up from your computer every once in a while, go outside onto your front lawn, then spin around in circles until you fall down giggling.

That has a tendency to work.

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