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A Visit from the Fat Man

Once upon a time, there sat a very fat man atop a hill. He looked out toward the town lying below him and licked his lips hungrily. The town looked full of large meals, and the fat man liked his large meals. He ambled down the hillock and found the first townsperson drying her laundry.

Trying not to let the saliva dribble down his chin, he asked: "Madam, I am looking for a large meal, could you oblige?"

The townswoman tilted her head and let her eyes take in every inch of his body.

Yes a large meal would be a fine idea, she said licking her lips curiously.

The fat man suddenly grew uncomfortable. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was wrong with the way she talked.

"Ah, ahh," he said, looking around awkwardly, "I think, perhaps, I'll go further into town to find my large meal."

Yes, we have heard many tales of the fat folk of the hills; we townspeople have been waiting to meet one of your kind. Again, the fat man couldn't tell what it was, but something wasn't quite right. She then placed her slender hand on his arm. Ever so slightly, he felt her hand squeeze.

The fat man quickly lumbered further into town to find his next big meal. He was uncomfortably aware that the first townsperson was now following him from a discreet distance.

After a few minutes, the fat man waddled up to the centre of town. Regaining his confidence, he climbed up on a bench and surveyed the townsfolk that were gathering in the square watching him.

"People of this fair town! I am a fat man from the hills. I would like to..." he licked his lips and lowered his voice "...be friends with you."

Yes, yes, murmured the townspeople. Friends.

"Er. Right," continued the fat man. "I would like to meet with your civic leaders, one-on-one, in a small dark room."

The large man speaks wise! whispered the townspeople. Let us meet with him.

"Huh? Right. Yes, that's what I want. To meet with... here, hang about, what are you doing?"

The Fat Man looked down at his elbow to see a small bony child pinching his flabby calves. She then looked out to the gathered crowd and nodded. Somewhere in the dark recesses of the Fat Man's brain, a primordial warning flag started waving franticly.

"Ok, look, you know what? This isn't exactly going as I planned, so I'm thinking I might just go back to the hills."

No, no, stay. We are having a feast tonight and you are to be the guest of honour, whispered the townspeople as one. In fact, one could say... you will be the main ingredient.

A cold shiver flashed through the Fat Man, and with a cowardly yelp, he ran. The gathered crowed slowly gave chase. However, due in small part to the townspeople's superior knowledge of the winding streets, and in greater part to the Fat Man's larger mass, the pursuit was not a lengthy one.

As he lay collapsed, panting on the cold coble stones of a lonely alleyway, the Fat Man whimpered as dozens of thin, bony hands clamored over his fleshy body, and slowly his world went dark...

The townspeople agreed that it was the best feast they'd ever had.