"I’m not here to kick your ass, but if
that’s what I end up doing, then so be it."
Icons in Canadian History #67
In 1847, North America's greatest philosopher was born in Humble, Ontario. Although his works are no longer read in high schools and few know his contribution to Western culture, his words carry weight to this day. Scholar, philanthropist, inspiration: These are just three words that can be used to describe the great thinker Lewis Macmillan. Here are a few of his favourite quotes...
"Alone and naked, man is weak
and fragile. But give him a long metal bar, and self confidence won't
be a problem."
"Some call me a visionary, and
lo! it it true. I one day envision a global 'network' -- possibly
accessed via the modern 'computerized counting machine' -- that will
available free pornography. I only fear the horses may tire in their cross-country trek's carrying the prostitutes."
"I predict a successful
national economy based on plentiful Maple Syrup and long-john production."
"Back that rotund arse up,
wench! Daddy want me some-o-dat."
"You have to tackle life’s
problems by the horns, or else life’s problems’ horns will find their
way to your ass"
fight fire with fire, because that will cause more fire. Unless it's
an oil-well fire. But if it’s a common house fire, then call the
fireman because those fellows are trained in that kind of thing. And...
Yes? What do you mean what do I mean? No- NO I will not sit down, sir..."
"Make sure you live your life
to its fullest, because if you don’t you may end up dying before
you’re even born."
"I am going to go out on a
ledge and declare: We weren’t placed on this earth to merely “have
fun”, but rather, we are here to amuse ourselves with enjoyable
"Don’t live your life in a
vacuum when the world’s ready to explode into flowers of fruit."
"Knowledge is power, and power
corrupts. Think about it! But not too much lest you become corrupted."
"The bible says: “Love thy
neighbour.” However, I say: “Love thy neighbour’s wife”… if you know
what I mean! I mean: I’d like to have sex with her! Seriously! I'd like to take my "little man", and show it to her! And then we'd... What? Stop interrupting me young man! Back to what I was saying: You
should see her rump, it is round, oh my yes, round like a brand new- What do you mean I have to leave now...?"
"I am generally opposed to
sending tigers to Mars."
"Yea, teaching children
Arithmetic and the Sciences is a noble task. Yet, I ponder: is there
not another, even more noble task suited to these energetic street urchins? Such
a task as, oh... I don't know, making shoes? Cheap shoes I mean."
"A picture is worth a thousand
words, which for comparison, is about equal to a 4 page double-spaced
university essay that was hastily typed the night before it was due. "
Copyright ©2005 Gavin Williams