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Icons in Canadian History #36

Katana Rolands:

The Unlikely Feminist

  For Rocketpack

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"As a woman, I demand the right to vote! Plus I wouldn't mind a jolly good spanking."
-Katana Rolands, (1889-1952)

While being born at just the right time for the feminist movement of the early 1900s, Katana Rolands  was perhaps better suited for the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

Indeed, records show many of the feminist rallies she organized would begin earnest enough, focused on the grand pursuit of equality for all citizens, but would then quickly degrade into confused mish-mash of poorly thought out sexual fantasies and erotic anecdotes from her teenage years.

Her first book, "I am Woman, Hear me Moan" (1913, Macphail Press) was alternately hailed and decried depending on what page the reader was on at the time.

Scholars point out that if we remove the book's long tangents on what Katana got up to as a curious teenager, and ignore every sentence containing the word "tight," then what remains is a perhaps one of the best feminist works of the 20th century. On the other hand, perverts really dig the dirty parts.

Here, reproduced unedited, are a few sample paragraphs from that book...

Chapter 14

"When I was a schoolgirl, no longer a girl but blossoming into a woman, I was living in a world that was changing; much like my teenage body. No longer content with the stifling control of the upper class, the working classes were bursting out at the seams, demanding attention. In much the same way, I suddenly had to wear a bra."

Chapter 27
Naughty Bi-partisanship

I'm not a lesbian, but seriously, that shit is hot. I'm not against the whole idea, but I'd have to be with the right girl, you know? In much the same way, I would never usually vote for a right-wing political party, but sometimes I get these weird desires to do just that.

Sometimes when I'm drunk, perhaps at a girlfriends house, especially if she has that whole mood lighting thing that gets me every time, I loose my "political" inhibitions around her. Suddenly, I find that she (the "right-leaning party") and I are rubbing oil over each other whilst laying on the rug by the fire. And then, in a beautiful act of "reaching across the aisle," we teach ourselves the true meaning of the words "forbidden love." All night long.

But then, the next morning when I wake next to her, it's always weird and I try to leave before she wakes up, but then she does wake up, and she's all, "hey, call me," and I'm like, "ah, awkward."

But other than that it can be hot.

Chapter 53
The future for women in Canada is bright and warm and silky soft

I predict a future for women where we are no longer defined by our roles on the farm or in the kitchen. I predict a future where women will be able to rise to the top of multi-nation business corporations. These "business women" will have immense power in the global economy.

And so I whole-heartedly hope these women of the new millennium, when faced with this newfound power, will abuse it for the purposes of temporary sexual gratification.

I hope the modern women will use her power to compel her corporate underlings sleep with her, even if the afore mentioned underling is really hot and usually out of her league, because power is an aphrodisiac.

Indeed, I predict that one day, maybe not even in my life time, but one day, a woman will rise to the greatest office in the land: Prime Minister. And she shall use this role to bring about many great changes in our land and the world around us.

And also she'll get so much ass.

Perhaps the ass she'll tap will be that of one of her hot and well-built Cabinet Ministers? Or maybe her ravenous gaze will be set upon the chiselled physique of the young inexperienced-in-love Governor General? Or maybe, and this is what gives me the greatest hope for the future, our female prime minister of the future will use and abuse her powers to get it on with other world leaders. Maybe she’ll get some action from the US president. Or better yet, the Premier of a small Pacific nation.

You know the one I mean.

God, that guy is tight.

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Copyright ©2005 Gavin Williams