Who Loves Ya, Baby?
Its easy to hate. All we need to do is find a group of people who are somehow
different from us, and start hating them for it. It is nothing to be ashamed of; every
humans has been doing it since the beginning of humanity.
However, we have run into problems in these modern times as there is a lack of people
to hate. Oh sure, weve had a good time of it with most of the various minority
groups, but it doesnt take long before they stand up and point out that theyre
not playing anymore (and in fact, had stopped playing quite some time ago). We are now
left with a gap in our schedule which we could have happily filled with hatred. So the
question is: who should we start hating now? We need a group of people that wont
stand up for themselves, and who wont "educate" us, showing how
fundamentally "similar" we all are. We need a group of people that dont
speak our language, or, if they do, then they should be pathetically bad at it. We need a
group of people who look so different from us, that we cant form any kind of
identification between us and them. It would appear that we have squandered our supply of
peoples to whom we can be prejudice against. That is, all but one group... Babies.
Who do babies think they are? They just hang around the house all day, having people
wait on them hand and foot. And you know, none of them have jobs. And what about the
vomit? They dont even try to get to a bucket in time. No, they will just
spew-up wherever they are at that moment on the carpet, in their dinner, over
themselves in clear defiance of proper social conduct. And dont even get me
started on the other half of their digestive cycle. They listen to their Barney albums
till all hours of the.. afternoon. And what about their faces? Dont they know
they look like walnuts? Huh? Dont they? And let me tell you, they are all
There are places for babies, and theyre called NURSERIES. If they can just stay
in there then Ill be happy.
The sad truth is, one day babies too, shall probably rise-up and tell us to stop
screwing around and pull our act together. We are fast running out of people to hate, and
this is why I am throwing my full support behind SETI, the Search for Extra-Terrestrial
Intelligence. Damn those space-monkeys, who do they think they are...